In the time between me asking her out and now, I believe she has assumed that I have gotten over her. I don't know exactly why, but something about the way she acts makes me believe that. Recently, I was staring at her from afar. I think she might have noticed. Anyway, afterward, I was walking and she was walking behind me. I figured I should say hi, so I turned around and started walking backward. Her head was down and she didn't see me. I hesitated. I didn't know if I should say something or not because she didn't know I was there. Then it happened. She glanced up, saw me looking at her, our eyes met, and she immediately looked away. She left and I went my way. This may not seem like much, but it was a very communicative moment. Not in a good way. Somehow, in that moment, we both lost all our secrets. I could tell exactly how she felt about me and I could tell she saw exactly how I felt about her. We both knew everything. I know she knows how I feel, but I'm not sure if she knows I know how she feels. Anyway, I could tell she had no feelings for me. I already knew that. In addition to confirming it, I realized she felt bad for me. Since then, she has semi-avoided me. I assume it is to keep from leading me on further. I sound really creepy right now. I suppose I could have completely misinterpreted our glance and she could be wishing I would just leave her alone. Maybe she hates me. I'm pretty sure that my first theory is right. This saddened me. I wasn't depressed like that earlier occasion, but it was saddening. I considered giving up again. That night, I went on facebook. I saw something she had written to me as a response to something I wrote. She was laughing. She loved what I wrote. She did write this two days before I saw it, but the fact that I saw it right when I needed a pick-me-up regarding her is too much of a coincidence. I am still trying and I have no plans to give up. When it is completely over and trudging on would officially make me a stalker I trust that I will accept it and give up. I am assuming this. I may not. I really need to, but I fear I may fall into insanity and never give up. There's still time. I need to work fast and it probably will take nothing less than saving her life, but I can't give up yet.

I was three days into my plan when I decided to add her as my friend on facebook. It may seem like this should have come sooner, but I don't really like facebook and I don't spend much time on it. I sent the request and she accepted. Now, I did something extremely creepy. I started looking through her pictures. These were all pictures she uploaded, so I wasn't invading her privacy or anything, but it still seemed pretty creepy. At first I loved it. She really does drive me crazy. But then, I started to get kind of saddened by these pictures. She was spending so much time with others and there weren't any pictures of her with me. I started to feel myself slipping into depression so I quit. I started looking through her notes and quizzes she took. This was better. I liked it. I was reading a certain quiz she took and I remember I got to question number 86. The question was, "Have you ever turned someone down?" I would have been perfectly fine if she had said yes. She did turn me down. It would have been strange if she hadn't said that. She answered in the only way that could have possibly hurt me. She said "Only once that I can remember" That really hurt me. It isn't that she hurt me, the situation hurt me. I suppose it's true, but the fact that this person that I've been practically worshiping has never turned anyone down but me really depressed me. Why was I denied access to this beautiful goddess when no one else was. I really couldn't handle it. I logged off and tried to forget it. This is the only time in my life that I was seriously depressed. The only one. I've obviously been sad, even sad over her before, but never this severely. I couldn't function. I felt dead inside. I didn't want to do anything. This was probably the lowest point in my entire life.